i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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