Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
