What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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