so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
