I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
