so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
