rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
