oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize