By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
