I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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