she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
