People in love make me want to vomit
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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