Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
