when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize