I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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