I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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