His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
