Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
