I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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