and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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