just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
