The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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