well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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