It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
