The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
