So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
