During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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