Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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