i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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