Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
