I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
