So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
