1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
