I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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