Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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