mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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