i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
