Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
