The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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