I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
