so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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