So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
