I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
