Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
