You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
one two three fourrrrnication!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
