8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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