I want to walk on stilts...naked
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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