once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
