we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
