I think i sorta joined a cult last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
