margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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