i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
