I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
