Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
