next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
