i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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