No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
