I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
