I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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