I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
