You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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