Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
