I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
