I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
