Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
