ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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