Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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